I am a writer. At least I think I am. This blog is where I have an opportunity to express myself about the things I'm passionate for. I think I am a writer because I love to write,(good or bad, if it's written...the person writing it is a writer). However, sometimes when I look back on some of the articles here, I see nothing but crap...."Who would want to read this?", I ask myself. "What end of the crack pipe were you smoking Skaggs when you typed that jewel?!" I have been told my random thinking is a plus in the expression of what concerns me. Sometimes my randomness is too random even for me...it's those crap articles I delete so some poor soul won't have to endure a bad read and waste 10 minutes of his life......I mean, taking a trip on LSD and seeing a purple rabbit riding a unicycle through a maze of rainbow colored mushrooms makes more since than some of the fiasco ramblings I've posted here!! Nonetheless, I'm a writer!
One of my fav authors, Donald Miller, talks about being a writer. He makes the point that a writer doesn't have to experience anything in real life in order to write a story. A writer can create a story in his or her head and pen it without actually experiencing what he or she is writing about. Why? Because writers, for the most part, are dreamers and anything dreamed of can be written about. How well it's written determines whether there will be a paycheck for the effort.
I am a dreamer. I have always been a dreamer. I can create all kinds of worlds in my head. Oddly, I've never written about any of them. I've just dreamed them. Nothing wrong with dreaming in and of itself. Dreams are often the springboard toward achieving greatness. Would we be able to fly across the entire world to any point of destination imaginable had Orville and Wilbur Wright not dreamed of flight to start with? Would we still burn candles today had Edison not dreamed of light made through the channel of electricity? Would we enjoy the comfort of staying warm and covered up while still being able to handle the remote control or drink a can of Coke had that guy not thought of a blanket with arms?.....hence the Snuggie. Personally, I've dreamed of creating a breathable trashbag so every time you throw trash in, you don't have to bleed the air out that collects between the bag and the can....or does such a trashbag already exist? Dreams can be good and positive and can end in beneficial realities. The advancements in technology, medicine, transportation, and the better quality of life we enjoy today all started with a dream.
The dark side is that dreams can be debilitating in that they can keep us from engaging in the real life God created around us to live. Living life to the fullest means for me to be actively involved in and aware of what is going on in my world. Circumstances, whether they are positive or less than positive, keep us alive, moving,...in action. These real life circumstances keep us from becoming stagnant and placid. Navigating successfully and courageously through the circumstances of life is, in part, what puts the exclamation point on living.
Sometimes the dreamer gets stuck in the dream and never moves out of it. I know from personal experience what it is like to get stuck in a dream. Getting stuck and staying there becomes an escape in dealing with reality. Life is tough and the world is cruel. Living in a dream where there is always a happy ending is so much more attractive than dealing with the harsh reality of a less than mediocre life. I thought I had a less than mediocre life..... so I dreamed up worlds where I was always the hero, the man most respected, most successful, most loved, most likely to win an Oscar and I'm not even a professional actor. I am more of what you might call a character. Some would say I'm just a mess.
Eventually being stuck in dreams led to being stuck in a bottle. Dreaming wasn't enough to escape my less than mediocre life....I needed the aid of numbing alcohol to keep my dreams in my head and keep them my realities. I disengaged from real life and with the help of alcohol, watched the loftiest of my dreams become nightmares. Circumstances were never positive, always negative. It took a long time for me to realize that these circumstances were mostly created by my own hand and the more I drank the worse the circumstances. I lost much, the most tragic of which were relationships to those I loved most. Boy! Was I ever stuck!
My turnaround came when I simply had no one but God to turn to and nowhere to look but up. In the lowest part of my ditch and in the middle of my worst nightmare, God through a significant other said, "Richard, you matter to me. I died for you. I want you to live not a less than mediocre life but an extraordinary one. Wake up! Engage in real life and live! Engage in the life I designed for you!"
Today I'm still a dreamer but I am living life also. If I dream of feeding the hungry around the world, my reality says I can go to the local soup kitchen and actually serve the hungry. This is, in a small way, what I mean by being a part of the bigger solution to feeding the hungry around the world. This is plugging in to the world around me and truly living. When I am involved in the reality around me and partaking of my role in it rather than escaping in some lofty dream....I truly am alive. This kind of life keeps me from imploding and drowning in a bottle.
Many today are stuck in dreams (nightmares) and drowning in a bottle or drugs or depression or whatever affliction. They are not living the extraordinary life God designed for them. They need help, love, understanding, a word of encouragement, a push to move them to real living. They need people like you and I.
I don't know how it is with you.....but like a phrase from one of my favorite songs says...."I wanna spend the rest of my life alive!"
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Angels and Demons
I usually write with some humor mixed in to make the topic lighter, this topic is not funny. Pray for those afflicted and help those crying out:
It is a truth that most of us have issues of one kind or another. Some of those issues are not major and we go on with life fairly happily and content in spite of them because they aren't debilitating. Other issues we have may be monstrous afflictions that cause life to come to a screeching halt for a time until some recovery and peace can be accomplished. These I would call demons that beset us and several of us have them. For those that say they have no issues or demons at all, I would suggest they, at very least, suffer from the issue of denial. For those to admit to have them is to also admit the need for help.....when the honest admission for help is acknowledged, true recovery and healing can begin. I would say just about every human on the planet deals with an issue or demon in one form or another whether it is an issue of a loose tongue and gossip or the demon of drug addiction.
I believe most of us want to be whole and healthy. We want to live productive and successful lives. We want purpose, love, joy, happiness, fulfilling relationships, and peace within ourselves and with others. I have yet to meet a person who confessed they started out in life to become a failure and outcast...that this was their goal and ambition from the beginning. Most of us have lofty dreams....some of us achieve them and some of us don't. Some of us just get by, we just go through life and our insides yearn of something more.
One demon in particular afflicts millions of people around the world. A demon I am personally well acquainted with. This demon is alcohol. He, once in his grip, will steal your integrity, your honesty, your sense of humor, your laughter, your hope, your ambition, your friends, your finances, your family, and your health, to name a few. He will eventually steal your life if he can. He will convince you he can help you cope when life situations are harsh, and he will convince you that he will help the celebration be livelier when life situations are happy and achievements are made. He lies, he always lies. All he does is take and he leaves us empty and alone. We become embarrassments to our spouses, our children, our families, our friends. We are ashamed because of his grip on our lives and we become a shame to those around us. We feel misunderstood and incapable of seeing our lives as anything different than it has become. We lose jobs, marriages, houses, and some of us become acquainted with the inside of a jail cell. This demon is cruel, ruthless, and seeks only to destroy our lives and the ones we love. The road to forgiveness and restoration of relationships with those we've hurt is a long, rocky trail with many winding turns. Sadly, some of those relationships are never restored no matter how badly we want them to be....but....the story doesn't end here.
No matter how far the fall from grace with people, we never fall from the grace of God. He loves us no matter what we do. I heard a definition of God's grace once and it stuck: " There's nothing you can do to make God love you more and there's nothing you can do to make God love you less....He just loves you, He can't help Himself." That should give us afflicted ones hope. In His grace He strategically places angels in our lives who reach out to help us when we are at the lowest points in our lives, in our deepest ditch. They may be family members who never stop believing in us, who won't let go, who see the real "us" deep within the turbulence we have created for ourselves. They may be faithful wives or husbands who stand with us even when the storm is blowing hardest and all hell is breaking loose. Perhaps a pastor or a friend, who when all the other friends have left...stays..... and pours in the oil and the wine of encouragement. It could be the testimony of a fellow struggler who is winning the fight and moving on to achieving the lofty dreams he or she dreamed as a child.
For me it was my best friend who told me she wouldn't leave me, she wouldn't give up on me no matter if everyone in my life did....Someone understood me and accepted me and loved me right where I was. It was freeing. With the power of just a few words of encouragement, I knew tomorrow was going to be different. My tomorrow's have been different since. I got my hope back, my vision back. I knew God wasn't finished with me, His plan for me hadn't been ruin by the attack of this monster on my life. If He would flood such hope in me, He will do the same for my fellow strugglers'. His plan is simple: He wants us to overcome every day, He wants us to win every day. Why can we do that? Because He has overcome the world and all that is in it. I in faith stand on that one day at a time!
To those who read and are acquainted with this demon, I pray you find encouragement in this article, I pray that perhaps God can use this to flood your life with hope and vision. I love you that struggle in a very heartfelt way....because I too struggle....don't give up the fight. I stand with you, along side you....always.
It is a truth that most of us have issues of one kind or another. Some of those issues are not major and we go on with life fairly happily and content in spite of them because they aren't debilitating. Other issues we have may be monstrous afflictions that cause life to come to a screeching halt for a time until some recovery and peace can be accomplished. These I would call demons that beset us and several of us have them. For those that say they have no issues or demons at all, I would suggest they, at very least, suffer from the issue of denial. For those to admit to have them is to also admit the need for help.....when the honest admission for help is acknowledged, true recovery and healing can begin. I would say just about every human on the planet deals with an issue or demon in one form or another whether it is an issue of a loose tongue and gossip or the demon of drug addiction.
I believe most of us want to be whole and healthy. We want to live productive and successful lives. We want purpose, love, joy, happiness, fulfilling relationships, and peace within ourselves and with others. I have yet to meet a person who confessed they started out in life to become a failure and outcast...that this was their goal and ambition from the beginning. Most of us have lofty dreams....some of us achieve them and some of us don't. Some of us just get by, we just go through life and our insides yearn of something more.
One demon in particular afflicts millions of people around the world. A demon I am personally well acquainted with. This demon is alcohol. He, once in his grip, will steal your integrity, your honesty, your sense of humor, your laughter, your hope, your ambition, your friends, your finances, your family, and your health, to name a few. He will eventually steal your life if he can. He will convince you he can help you cope when life situations are harsh, and he will convince you that he will help the celebration be livelier when life situations are happy and achievements are made. He lies, he always lies. All he does is take and he leaves us empty and alone. We become embarrassments to our spouses, our children, our families, our friends. We are ashamed because of his grip on our lives and we become a shame to those around us. We feel misunderstood and incapable of seeing our lives as anything different than it has become. We lose jobs, marriages, houses, and some of us become acquainted with the inside of a jail cell. This demon is cruel, ruthless, and seeks only to destroy our lives and the ones we love. The road to forgiveness and restoration of relationships with those we've hurt is a long, rocky trail with many winding turns. Sadly, some of those relationships are never restored no matter how badly we want them to be....but....the story doesn't end here.
No matter how far the fall from grace with people, we never fall from the grace of God. He loves us no matter what we do. I heard a definition of God's grace once and it stuck: " There's nothing you can do to make God love you more and there's nothing you can do to make God love you less....He just loves you, He can't help Himself." That should give us afflicted ones hope. In His grace He strategically places angels in our lives who reach out to help us when we are at the lowest points in our lives, in our deepest ditch. They may be family members who never stop believing in us, who won't let go, who see the real "us" deep within the turbulence we have created for ourselves. They may be faithful wives or husbands who stand with us even when the storm is blowing hardest and all hell is breaking loose. Perhaps a pastor or a friend, who when all the other friends have left...stays..... and pours in the oil and the wine of encouragement. It could be the testimony of a fellow struggler who is winning the fight and moving on to achieving the lofty dreams he or she dreamed as a child.
For me it was my best friend who told me she wouldn't leave me, she wouldn't give up on me no matter if everyone in my life did....Someone understood me and accepted me and loved me right where I was. It was freeing. With the power of just a few words of encouragement, I knew tomorrow was going to be different. My tomorrow's have been different since. I got my hope back, my vision back. I knew God wasn't finished with me, His plan for me hadn't been ruin by the attack of this monster on my life. If He would flood such hope in me, He will do the same for my fellow strugglers'. His plan is simple: He wants us to overcome every day, He wants us to win every day. Why can we do that? Because He has overcome the world and all that is in it. I in faith stand on that one day at a time!
To those who read and are acquainted with this demon, I pray you find encouragement in this article, I pray that perhaps God can use this to flood your life with hope and vision. I love you that struggle in a very heartfelt way....because I too struggle....don't give up the fight. I stand with you, along side you....always.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I Can't Figure God
People who have God all figured out scare me. I have been around many of them and the truth is when they tell me about Him, He seems so small after their description. I have trouble serving and bending a knee in worship to their description of God. I don't know what's wrong with me. Most bible believing Christians have God all figured out....I don't. Maybe I took the short bus to discipleship class...I don't know. He is such a mystery to me, He confuses me sometimes. I get frustrated that I don't have all the answers to the questions that some ask me about Him. I look stupid and that makes me mad at Him.
I was reading about Jonah recently and I feel his pain. He was called by God to go preach to the Ninevites. They were a bad lot, about 120,000 of them, and Jonah likened them to the riff raff you would possibly find in a biker bar. To him they were worthless. When he got the call, he ran the other direction. He didn't feel they deserved a message of repentance. I wonder how many times I have looked on someone and said to myself, "You made your bed, now lie in it!" Jonah, I guess, felt kind of the same way about the city of Nineveh. They weren't worth saving, they deserved judgment, they deserved to die and go to hell.
He ran..... God prepared a big fish to have him for lunch.... he was in the fishes belly for 3 days.... he repentented.... went to Nineveh.... preached the message of repentance.... they repented...wow! And he went away pissed because they repentented. Even when angry at God, God took care of him...and I ask why? Shouldn't God have said to Jonah, "You made your bed, now lie in it?" ...then left him to himself?....but that wouldn't be God, huh.
Here's where I don't figure God. He knew....because He knows everything, even before it happens...that Jonah was gonna do all he did, yet he chose Jonah to go do the preaching anyway. Why couldn't He have chosen someone else more compliant, more willing, someone less likely to give argument? I don't get God here....He had other prophets running around that could speak as well as Jonah. They could have done the job and God wouldn't have had to conjure up some big fish as a lesson teacher.
To me those 4 chapters in the Old Testament aren't so much about Jonah as they are about God. I learn that God is hard-headed, yes, that's right....I said it....God is hard-headed. He calls and then doesn't back down. He has already counted the cost too...when He calls, He calls...end of story. So many that totally know Him tell me that God puts those on a shelf who don't do His will.....really? Maybe He just delays their productivity until they go to enough support groups to be in the game again. Jonah did what he did and God still used him for His purposes....He never let go of Jonah. He took, in fact, extreme measures and actions to ensure Jonah fulfilled His call. That gives me hope because I am one of the "called". Haven't felt too much in the game lately but He hasn't quit on me either...because He's hard-headed.....as we have biblically proven...(smirk).
I also learn from these 4 chapters in the Old Testament that no matter how hard I study the 66 books of the bible...no matter how much scripture I can quote....no matter how well I can teach and preach it....I will never fully figure God. There is a part, huge part, of His person I will never fully understand, at least, not in this life. His greatness is beyond my comprehension. Sometimes I have to just throw my hands up and say,"OK, You're being You, I'm not You, so be You and show me where I fit in."
I think the people who personally know and have God figured out are people who also like to have control. Jonah teaches me that I am not in control...He is. He always is in control, even when I think I am. He remains a mystery to me. And yet...that is one of the biggest reasons I worship Him. If I had Him figured out like one of my friends, why would I bend a knee to Him in submission and worship. I don't have a friend yet that I would worship!....although there are a few of them that want me to.
I NEED to worship One who is beyond my strength, my intellect, my will, my circumstances....I bend my knee to Him because He is beyond my little world....and in control of my little world...and worshipping Him gives me hope....and I need hope to live. He uses me....even when I don't think He is....and like Jonah, I get mad when He uses me and I don't want Him to....He uses me anyway.... I need a God like that...who sees beyond me and achieves His purposes...and I have one...and He is the only one...and I'm grateful
I was reading about Jonah recently and I feel his pain. He was called by God to go preach to the Ninevites. They were a bad lot, about 120,000 of them, and Jonah likened them to the riff raff you would possibly find in a biker bar. To him they were worthless. When he got the call, he ran the other direction. He didn't feel they deserved a message of repentance. I wonder how many times I have looked on someone and said to myself, "You made your bed, now lie in it!" Jonah, I guess, felt kind of the same way about the city of Nineveh. They weren't worth saving, they deserved judgment, they deserved to die and go to hell.
He ran..... God prepared a big fish to have him for lunch.... he was in the fishes belly for 3 days.... he repentented.... went to Nineveh.... preached the message of repentance.... they repented...wow! And he went away pissed because they repentented. Even when angry at God, God took care of him...and I ask why? Shouldn't God have said to Jonah, "You made your bed, now lie in it?" ...then left him to himself?....but that wouldn't be God, huh.
Here's where I don't figure God. He knew....because He knows everything, even before it happens...that Jonah was gonna do all he did, yet he chose Jonah to go do the preaching anyway. Why couldn't He have chosen someone else more compliant, more willing, someone less likely to give argument? I don't get God here....He had other prophets running around that could speak as well as Jonah. They could have done the job and God wouldn't have had to conjure up some big fish as a lesson teacher.
To me those 4 chapters in the Old Testament aren't so much about Jonah as they are about God. I learn that God is hard-headed, yes, that's right....I said it....God is hard-headed. He calls and then doesn't back down. He has already counted the cost too...when He calls, He calls...end of story. So many that totally know Him tell me that God puts those on a shelf who don't do His will.....really? Maybe He just delays their productivity until they go to enough support groups to be in the game again. Jonah did what he did and God still used him for His purposes....He never let go of Jonah. He took, in fact, extreme measures and actions to ensure Jonah fulfilled His call. That gives me hope because I am one of the "called". Haven't felt too much in the game lately but He hasn't quit on me either...because He's hard-headed.....as we have biblically proven...(smirk).
I also learn from these 4 chapters in the Old Testament that no matter how hard I study the 66 books of the bible...no matter how much scripture I can quote....no matter how well I can teach and preach it....I will never fully figure God. There is a part, huge part, of His person I will never fully understand, at least, not in this life. His greatness is beyond my comprehension. Sometimes I have to just throw my hands up and say,"OK, You're being You, I'm not You, so be You and show me where I fit in."
I think the people who personally know and have God figured out are people who also like to have control. Jonah teaches me that I am not in control...He is. He always is in control, even when I think I am. He remains a mystery to me. And yet...that is one of the biggest reasons I worship Him. If I had Him figured out like one of my friends, why would I bend a knee to Him in submission and worship. I don't have a friend yet that I would worship!....although there are a few of them that want me to.
I NEED to worship One who is beyond my strength, my intellect, my will, my circumstances....I bend my knee to Him because He is beyond my little world....and in control of my little world...and worshipping Him gives me hope....and I need hope to live. He uses me....even when I don't think He is....and like Jonah, I get mad when He uses me and I don't want Him to....He uses me anyway.... I need a God like that...who sees beyond me and achieves His purposes...and I have one...and He is the only one...and I'm grateful
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Emptiness of Loss
My life has been a combination of wins and losses. Maybe that isn't how most view life but I do. Perhaps the reason is because I have had so many of both. The wins have been sweet, as most wins are; the losses have been bitter, painful, and unforgettable. I might have said the wins have been unforgettable too, but the truth is, I am the only one who remembers the wins in my life. Most people may celebrate a win with you but they quickly forget them. They are too busy remembering the wins in their own lives....because they are the only ones who do. They are the only ones who can keep their wins alive.
Losses however are different. They are unforgettable because in many ways, they affect the lives of other people. The innocent become recipients of pain they didn't ask for or deserve. In my case: lost jobs, DUI's, failed marriages, loss of reputation, of dignity, of self-esteem, estrangements from people close and dear to me. By God's grace, some of those relationships are healing; some of them are gone forever. The only thing I can do is pray healing can continue and will take its course. I see the highway of my life littered with losses.....funny how the wins pale in comparison. That to me is why losses are different.
The biggest result is the emptiness loss creates. It's like walking around with a hole in your heart all the time. The regret only makes the hole seem larger. Nothing it seems can fill it. It's an emptiness that goes beyond empty. This emptiness is accompanied by deep sadness and many tears. The worst....is the hopeless feeling that no one else can possibly understand the pain.....you feel totally alone, all alone. You desperately desire to be understood but being misunderstood is your only reality. Charcoals and greys and blacks are the only colors to your life. Rainbows of color bursting through in your life aren't even imagined, you can't wrap your mind around that possibility. What a sad, bleak existence. And many in this world live in that world every day.
Some losses are temporary. Loss of finances can eventually be turned around. The loss of a state championship game is replaced by the hope of a winning season the coming fall. A lost job can be replaced with a new, more exciting, and higher paying one. Other losses, on the other hand, are longer lasting. In the area of love for instance, when a boy meets the one who should have always been....and because of fear pushes her away and loses her, or circumstances keep them apart.....that loss is difficult to walk through. It is a loss that stays with you for a long time, perhaps forever. Regardless, losses affect all involved.
But I can't end this article on such a dark note. Losses bring something else to light. They bring out the tenacious spirit that God put in us all. Losses given to God do and will make us stronger people. They help us plan ahead more intelligently, if lessons are learned. I am not satisfied with staying down when I fall. There is something deep within me that keeps me hoping that the day ahead will be better than the current one. I fight, I always fight...I won't lie down and die, I can't. This spirit of a fighter is what carries me into tomorrow, and His hope within me keeps me moving. He knows my heart...... perfectly. When others around me see failure, He doesn't give up or in. He is crazy about me and wants me to overcome in and through Him. I must admit, at times I simply make a faith statement of overcoming because I'm not sure I can do it......but I continue to hope in Him. You know, sometimes there is nowhere else to go.....and that often is the best place to be....nowhere to go but to Him.
Romans 8:28, a familiar verse to us all...... "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -NLT. I have to take that verse on faith most of the time, because I don't believe it sometimes, and certainly don't live it. Yet.... I look at my life and see that verse portrayed again and again. I am grateful, even when I don't always see Him working, He is.....in my life....working....always. He is working in yours as well. Wins or losses.....He works to give a future and a hope.
My prayer is that you can look at my hurts, hang-ups, and habits.....and see hope....It is there...always.
Losses however are different. They are unforgettable because in many ways, they affect the lives of other people. The innocent become recipients of pain they didn't ask for or deserve. In my case: lost jobs, DUI's, failed marriages, loss of reputation, of dignity, of self-esteem, estrangements from people close and dear to me. By God's grace, some of those relationships are healing; some of them are gone forever. The only thing I can do is pray healing can continue and will take its course. I see the highway of my life littered with losses.....funny how the wins pale in comparison. That to me is why losses are different.
The biggest result is the emptiness loss creates. It's like walking around with a hole in your heart all the time. The regret only makes the hole seem larger. Nothing it seems can fill it. It's an emptiness that goes beyond empty. This emptiness is accompanied by deep sadness and many tears. The worst....is the hopeless feeling that no one else can possibly understand the pain.....you feel totally alone, all alone. You desperately desire to be understood but being misunderstood is your only reality. Charcoals and greys and blacks are the only colors to your life. Rainbows of color bursting through in your life aren't even imagined, you can't wrap your mind around that possibility. What a sad, bleak existence. And many in this world live in that world every day.
Some losses are temporary. Loss of finances can eventually be turned around. The loss of a state championship game is replaced by the hope of a winning season the coming fall. A lost job can be replaced with a new, more exciting, and higher paying one. Other losses, on the other hand, are longer lasting. In the area of love for instance, when a boy meets the one who should have always been....and because of fear pushes her away and loses her, or circumstances keep them apart.....that loss is difficult to walk through. It is a loss that stays with you for a long time, perhaps forever. Regardless, losses affect all involved.
But I can't end this article on such a dark note. Losses bring something else to light. They bring out the tenacious spirit that God put in us all. Losses given to God do and will make us stronger people. They help us plan ahead more intelligently, if lessons are learned. I am not satisfied with staying down when I fall. There is something deep within me that keeps me hoping that the day ahead will be better than the current one. I fight, I always fight...I won't lie down and die, I can't. This spirit of a fighter is what carries me into tomorrow, and His hope within me keeps me moving. He knows my heart...... perfectly. When others around me see failure, He doesn't give up or in. He is crazy about me and wants me to overcome in and through Him. I must admit, at times I simply make a faith statement of overcoming because I'm not sure I can do it......but I continue to hope in Him. You know, sometimes there is nowhere else to go.....and that often is the best place to be....nowhere to go but to Him.
Romans 8:28, a familiar verse to us all...... "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -NLT. I have to take that verse on faith most of the time, because I don't believe it sometimes, and certainly don't live it. Yet.... I look at my life and see that verse portrayed again and again. I am grateful, even when I don't always see Him working, He is.....in my life....working....always. He is working in yours as well. Wins or losses.....He works to give a future and a hope.
My prayer is that you can look at my hurts, hang-ups, and habits.....and see hope....It is there...always.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
I'm No Superman
One of my earliest childhood memories is me in a Superman suit "flying around" saving damsels in distress and the world from impending destruction. I think I may have been around four or five. I may have been twenty-five because I've had so many tell me I never grew up...that may be true....Anyway, I loved pretending to be the "big guy"! And only one who could save the day better than him was me.
To this day I love Superman and wish I had just a touch of his invulnerability. Because the "S" on his chest is also the beginning letter of my last name, I always thought of him as a relative from a distant planet. Believe me if you met some of my relatives you would think they came from a distant planet or two!....so Superman wouldn't be any different....just more sane. I'm sure some of my relatives would fall into the bizarro category.
Superman is the ultimate superhero. Always fighting for truth, justice, and the American way (that's because his rocket ship landed in America, if it landed in say...Korea, would he fight for the Korean way?....just asking). Everything he does is right and with just cause. His motivation is without prejudice, and it isn't tainted by selfish gain. His first thought is others....their well being, their safety, their quality of life. There are no grey areas in his thinking when it comes to decerning right from wrong. I always wondered how he pulled that off. Maybe his thinking is as invulnerable as his strength.
He is a figure that is recognized the world over. A super-icon if you will. And what he represents is known the world over as well. Superman is the ultimate perfect man in a totally imperfect world. The world needs a man like that, a superman if you will.
At age 6, after I jumped off a chicken barn in Arkansas thinking I could fly like Superman, I fell head first into a cow patty below.....at that point, I began to re-think growing up and becoming the next Superman. I discovered, and painfully so, that I couldn't defy gravity. Reality is this.....if you jump off the roof of a chicken barn in Arkansas, the only direction you go is down....all the way to the ground....and that could cover you in cow crap. So with that reality, I also discovered that I wasn't invulnerable...if you cut me with a knife I bleed.
As an adult I know first hand that I am flawed. Invulnerability is not a word you could use to describe me at all. I have so many grey areas in my thinking and lifestyle it is difficult to see any color. I am weak, frail, and proned to stumble when I try to walk the straight and narrow. Sometimes my world crumbles and I crumble with it. I know I can't do life on my own. I need something to give me hope, to keep pressing on, to get up when I fall, to rebuild my world when it falls apart.
Left to myself, I make bad decisions, I rebel against the rules, I go my own way and fall away from the path that brings life. What is it I need? Superman draws his strength from the yellow sun. If he is exposed to his only weakness, kryptonite; all he has to do is fly toward the sun and his strength returns. All I ever got from the sun was a sunburn, so I know that won't work for me.
I need something in my life that doesn't condemn me when I fail. Something that whispers encouragement to get up and keep going when I fall. Something that spares me from what I truly deserve and perhaps lavishes on me what I don't deserve. I know what that something is.....it's called grace. I need grace. All imperfect people need grace. It is the only way as I see it, to get by, to keep going. It is the thing that keeps me from throwing in the towel when I want to quit, when I want to scream,"I'm done!"
The purest grace, the only grace worth experiencing comes from just one source: God. He sent His son, only son, to do for us what we could not ever attempt to do for ourselves....forgive our sin and allow us entrance into the presence of God. It took a divine grace to accomplish that. For God to look on his rebellious creation and love them anyway and then go out of his way to restore relationship with them is grace, it is all of grace. Him giving us what we don't deserve and sparing us from what we do.
I'm no superman. I'm just a guy that tries to get through each day with some sense of purpose and accomplish what I believe I need to do. His grace in me allows for the possibility of doing that. If I stumble, His grace encourages me to keep going. If I succeed, it is because of His grace. It is all Him and none of me. I kind of like it like that....takes the pressure off a little bit.
I pray that this grace I have experienced will spill out of me and onto others around me. I am selfish so I have to be aware of others. But there are others around me who haven't experienced the grace of God I have. They need to know. They need to be shown. The best way for them to discover God's grace for them is to see it demonstrated in me.
How about you? Not feeling like superman? No worries. God has provided something for us normal humans to get by.....His grace. Experienced it? Demonstrated it? Given it away? The only ones who can spread it around are the ones who've got it. Start sharing.....
To this day I love Superman and wish I had just a touch of his invulnerability. Because the "S" on his chest is also the beginning letter of my last name, I always thought of him as a relative from a distant planet. Believe me if you met some of my relatives you would think they came from a distant planet or two!....so Superman wouldn't be any different....just more sane. I'm sure some of my relatives would fall into the bizarro category.
Superman is the ultimate superhero. Always fighting for truth, justice, and the American way (that's because his rocket ship landed in America, if it landed in say...Korea, would he fight for the Korean way?....just asking). Everything he does is right and with just cause. His motivation is without prejudice, and it isn't tainted by selfish gain. His first thought is others....their well being, their safety, their quality of life. There are no grey areas in his thinking when it comes to decerning right from wrong. I always wondered how he pulled that off. Maybe his thinking is as invulnerable as his strength.
He is a figure that is recognized the world over. A super-icon if you will. And what he represents is known the world over as well. Superman is the ultimate perfect man in a totally imperfect world. The world needs a man like that, a superman if you will.
At age 6, after I jumped off a chicken barn in Arkansas thinking I could fly like Superman, I fell head first into a cow patty below.....at that point, I began to re-think growing up and becoming the next Superman. I discovered, and painfully so, that I couldn't defy gravity. Reality is this.....if you jump off the roof of a chicken barn in Arkansas, the only direction you go is down....all the way to the ground....and that could cover you in cow crap. So with that reality, I also discovered that I wasn't invulnerable...if you cut me with a knife I bleed.
As an adult I know first hand that I am flawed. Invulnerability is not a word you could use to describe me at all. I have so many grey areas in my thinking and lifestyle it is difficult to see any color. I am weak, frail, and proned to stumble when I try to walk the straight and narrow. Sometimes my world crumbles and I crumble with it. I know I can't do life on my own. I need something to give me hope, to keep pressing on, to get up when I fall, to rebuild my world when it falls apart.
Left to myself, I make bad decisions, I rebel against the rules, I go my own way and fall away from the path that brings life. What is it I need? Superman draws his strength from the yellow sun. If he is exposed to his only weakness, kryptonite; all he has to do is fly toward the sun and his strength returns. All I ever got from the sun was a sunburn, so I know that won't work for me.
I need something in my life that doesn't condemn me when I fail. Something that whispers encouragement to get up and keep going when I fall. Something that spares me from what I truly deserve and perhaps lavishes on me what I don't deserve. I know what that something is.....it's called grace. I need grace. All imperfect people need grace. It is the only way as I see it, to get by, to keep going. It is the thing that keeps me from throwing in the towel when I want to quit, when I want to scream,"I'm done!"
The purest grace, the only grace worth experiencing comes from just one source: God. He sent His son, only son, to do for us what we could not ever attempt to do for ourselves....forgive our sin and allow us entrance into the presence of God. It took a divine grace to accomplish that. For God to look on his rebellious creation and love them anyway and then go out of his way to restore relationship with them is grace, it is all of grace. Him giving us what we don't deserve and sparing us from what we do.
I'm no superman. I'm just a guy that tries to get through each day with some sense of purpose and accomplish what I believe I need to do. His grace in me allows for the possibility of doing that. If I stumble, His grace encourages me to keep going. If I succeed, it is because of His grace. It is all Him and none of me. I kind of like it like that....takes the pressure off a little bit.
I pray that this grace I have experienced will spill out of me and onto others around me. I am selfish so I have to be aware of others. But there are others around me who haven't experienced the grace of God I have. They need to know. They need to be shown. The best way for them to discover God's grace for them is to see it demonstrated in me.
How about you? Not feeling like superman? No worries. God has provided something for us normal humans to get by.....His grace. Experienced it? Demonstrated it? Given it away? The only ones who can spread it around are the ones who've got it. Start sharing.....
Monday, November 9, 2009
Hold Me Jesus
I have always been one resistant to following a checklist of rules. I don't like others telling me how to live my life......(I think the reason I don't like others telling me how to live my life is because most who "help" me could use a little help themselves.) I haven't always gone the way of the crowd and there have been times I have paid dearly for it. There have also been times when going the other way has paid off handsomely. I am not talking money (like most do), but I'm talking about keeping the "me" God created in tact. There are myriad of victories and defeats logged on the pages of my life. Some of them I understand and some I won't ever understand this side of Heaven. But they are there and they have all contributed to making me the "me" I am.
I am not terminally unique though...many reading this can say the same of themselves. I think what I am talking about here is learning to live life in a state of surrender. And I hate the word surrender. Makes me feel I am giving in; conceding to something less than I thought I would live. Makes me feel I am trying to live up to someone else's ideal of how I should live, (God help the poor soul who vocally "helps" me with my life)......and I rebel.
There are probably some in my world who look at me as a bit of a black sheep. "Every family has one", they think. Maybe they are right. Nonetheless, I am here and I am resistant to change and I still hate the word surrender. What is God to do?! Do I make Him so mad His hair hurts?! Am I one step away from being zapped into infinity? Is God looking to "do me in"? I don't think so. Here's why:
I live a life in a transparent bubble...at least as far as God is concerned. The bubble keeps me from ever hiding from God. He sees me perfectly, He knows me perfectly, He acts perfectly in my life. He knows my thoughts before I think them. He knows what I am going to do before I do it. He knows the results after the fact. This really makes resistance futile with God. But still, I do play games with Him like I play games with everyone else.....kind of dumb when you think about it. I should have been a masquerade king. Never been to one of those parties; but could have fit in easily. I can change masks at the snap of a finger. I promise you....no one could ever figure who I am. I am a master at wearing masks. Guess I never have done those parties because for me, they seem boring. .... I have a short attention span and on top of that, it is all about me. I am sure no one else is cursed with that.....you know, being all about you.
With all the mask wearing and all the effort to cover up...I get lost in me and I get lost with others. Sadly, I get lost with God. The last thing I want to do is get lost with God and with those who care about me. But I still have this tendency to isolate and hide from everyone. A surrendered lifestyle is offensive to me. I want to be in control, I want to call my own shots. Yet I know when I allow Him to call the shots, He knows best and all works for the best. So why do I resist so much? Because I am a fighter. Life has trained me to be so and yet; He wants me to surrender. His plan is perfect and giving myself to that is the least path of resistance, but yet, I fight. Hard to let go of control even when you know you are guiding a sinking ship.
How has He dealt with me? With love and patience. I think of my daughter when she was an infant. She had colic. Never understood colic just knew the result. I would hold her in my arms as she writhed in pain and cried and screamed in pain. Tears would roll down my face because I wished it was me in pain and not her.....yet, I held her and that is all I could do.
When I get resistant to God, He does the same.....He holds me as I writhe against the pain I am feeling...even though I don't understand it. I realize He does. That's why He continues to hold me, patiently and lovingly. And I kick and scream and He holds me tight. He understands when no one else could. He doesn't give up when others would.....He just holds me....and I am grateful. What a mess I would truly be if God ever stopped holding me.
Perhaps you feel the same....you are resistant to change, you are a rebel, you don't like others telling you how to live your life....you hate the word: surrender. Let me assure you....He holds you, even when you writhe and wiggle to get loose of His grasp. He never lets go. You are precious to Him, and at your worst.....He holds on tighter.
So "hold me Jesus cause I'm shaking like a leaf....You have been King of my Glory, won't you be my Prince of Peace". (words borrowed from Rich Mullins' Hold Me Jesus)
I am not terminally unique though...many reading this can say the same of themselves. I think what I am talking about here is learning to live life in a state of surrender. And I hate the word surrender. Makes me feel I am giving in; conceding to something less than I thought I would live. Makes me feel I am trying to live up to someone else's ideal of how I should live, (God help the poor soul who vocally "helps" me with my life)......and I rebel.
There are probably some in my world who look at me as a bit of a black sheep. "Every family has one", they think. Maybe they are right. Nonetheless, I am here and I am resistant to change and I still hate the word surrender. What is God to do?! Do I make Him so mad His hair hurts?! Am I one step away from being zapped into infinity? Is God looking to "do me in"? I don't think so. Here's why:
I live a life in a transparent bubble...at least as far as God is concerned. The bubble keeps me from ever hiding from God. He sees me perfectly, He knows me perfectly, He acts perfectly in my life. He knows my thoughts before I think them. He knows what I am going to do before I do it. He knows the results after the fact. This really makes resistance futile with God. But still, I do play games with Him like I play games with everyone else.....kind of dumb when you think about it. I should have been a masquerade king. Never been to one of those parties; but could have fit in easily. I can change masks at the snap of a finger. I promise you....no one could ever figure who I am. I am a master at wearing masks. Guess I never have done those parties because for me, they seem boring. .... I have a short attention span and on top of that, it is all about me. I am sure no one else is cursed with that.....you know, being all about you.
With all the mask wearing and all the effort to cover up...I get lost in me and I get lost with others. Sadly, I get lost with God. The last thing I want to do is get lost with God and with those who care about me. But I still have this tendency to isolate and hide from everyone. A surrendered lifestyle is offensive to me. I want to be in control, I want to call my own shots. Yet I know when I allow Him to call the shots, He knows best and all works for the best. So why do I resist so much? Because I am a fighter. Life has trained me to be so and yet; He wants me to surrender. His plan is perfect and giving myself to that is the least path of resistance, but yet, I fight. Hard to let go of control even when you know you are guiding a sinking ship.
How has He dealt with me? With love and patience. I think of my daughter when she was an infant. She had colic. Never understood colic just knew the result. I would hold her in my arms as she writhed in pain and cried and screamed in pain. Tears would roll down my face because I wished it was me in pain and not her.....yet, I held her and that is all I could do.
When I get resistant to God, He does the same.....He holds me as I writhe against the pain I am feeling...even though I don't understand it. I realize He does. That's why He continues to hold me, patiently and lovingly. And I kick and scream and He holds me tight. He understands when no one else could. He doesn't give up when others would.....He just holds me....and I am grateful. What a mess I would truly be if God ever stopped holding me.
Perhaps you feel the same....you are resistant to change, you are a rebel, you don't like others telling you how to live your life....you hate the word: surrender. Let me assure you....He holds you, even when you writhe and wiggle to get loose of His grasp. He never lets go. You are precious to Him, and at your worst.....He holds on tighter.
So "hold me Jesus cause I'm shaking like a leaf....You have been King of my Glory, won't you be my Prince of Peace". (words borrowed from Rich Mullins' Hold Me Jesus)
Monday, November 2, 2009
Loving Brilliantly
I have always loved to color. Something about a book with outlines and a box of 64, or 120, or 9,000 crayons to choose from to make that special picture....priceless!!! OK, I lied about the 9,000 crayons...I don't think Wal-Mart carries those; maybe they don't exist. I am not sure, haven't colored in awhile. But I did color...when I was younger, and I loved it. And younger was like last year or something. Did I tell you I was 51? OK, so for a guy like me you may consider that therapy...maybe it was....I'm not saying.....I still enjoyed it!!
I got to thinking tonight about color. All the hues,.. some light,.. some dark,.. and some in-between. All of them are used to paint a picture; to tell a story. They reflect what we are thinking when we use them to fill in the lines. If we are thinking dark,... we may color a picture of say....Dracula in blacks, charcoals, and greys. If we are thinking light,... we may color a picture of say.....Snow White in bright blues, reds, and yellows....and,... why would we do that if her name is Snow White? Oh well, I think you get the point.
So I am thinking when Jesus was a boy...he had a coloring book. When he wasn't working in the shop with his dad, he would pull this coloring book out. And he would color. He would flip pages, and would stop.... and there would be an outline of... ME on the page. He would look and smile.....and start to color. Never would he use a dull pastel or any shade of grey or charcoal or even black; just color me in brilliant bright hues of color... he does this because he sees his children only in bright color.
These brilliant colors reflect his great love for me and what he knew he was going to for me and through me. He saw me in brilliant colors before he died for me! How does that happen?! Amazing, that's what that is!
My very best friend told me of a man who lived his life in greys, charcoals, and blacks. That was all he knew. He was miserable. He was at the end of his rope, he was hopeless.
Then Jesus came by. He had his coloring book. He flipped through the pages and found the outline of this man. Excitedly, he started rummaging through all the brilliant colors in his crayon box. Carefully he chose them one by one and then started to paint this dark mans' picture. He got so excited he colored outside the lines......and then started to laugh with joy! He flipped the picture over to the man and the man saw what he had never seen before. A NEW HIM!!
That's what Jesus does.....creates a new person with his coloring book and crayons. He never sees greys, charcoals, or blacks.....just brilliant hues of color that require sunglasses to view!!
He has given us a coloring book too...., and crayons. The box doesn't have any greys, charcoals, or blacks....just brilliant hues of color!! He says to us to go color the world with love.... brilliantly!!....enjoy.
I got to thinking tonight about color. All the hues,.. some light,.. some dark,.. and some in-between. All of them are used to paint a picture; to tell a story. They reflect what we are thinking when we use them to fill in the lines. If we are thinking dark,... we may color a picture of say....Dracula in blacks, charcoals, and greys. If we are thinking light,... we may color a picture of say.....Snow White in bright blues, reds, and yellows....and,... why would we do that if her name is Snow White? Oh well, I think you get the point.
So I am thinking when Jesus was a boy...he had a coloring book. When he wasn't working in the shop with his dad, he would pull this coloring book out. And he would color. He would flip pages, and would stop.... and there would be an outline of... ME on the page. He would look and smile.....and start to color. Never would he use a dull pastel or any shade of grey or charcoal or even black; just color me in brilliant bright hues of color... he does this because he sees his children only in bright color.
These brilliant colors reflect his great love for me and what he knew he was going to for me and through me. He saw me in brilliant colors before he died for me! How does that happen?! Amazing, that's what that is!
My very best friend told me of a man who lived his life in greys, charcoals, and blacks. That was all he knew. He was miserable. He was at the end of his rope, he was hopeless.
Then Jesus came by. He had his coloring book. He flipped through the pages and found the outline of this man. Excitedly, he started rummaging through all the brilliant colors in his crayon box. Carefully he chose them one by one and then started to paint this dark mans' picture. He got so excited he colored outside the lines......and then started to laugh with joy! He flipped the picture over to the man and the man saw what he had never seen before. A NEW HIM!!
That's what Jesus does.....creates a new person with his coloring book and crayons. He never sees greys, charcoals, or blacks.....just brilliant hues of color that require sunglasses to view!!
He has given us a coloring book too...., and crayons. The box doesn't have any greys, charcoals, or blacks....just brilliant hues of color!! He says to us to go color the world with love.... brilliantly!!....enjoy.
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