The Raging War Within

Rain, pouring rain....the palm leaves weren't enough to slow it down or provide any shelter. Waiting.....waiting for the first wave of attack. My buddy, Alan, and I were the first line of defense in protecting the perimeter of our camp......drowning in the pool of water we now crouched in. We were in blackout mode....attack was imminent. Question was...where were they going hit us first?

They hit! Came out of nowhere it seemed. Fire flashes from their M-16's lit up the night. For about ten minutes it was nothing but chaos! We dug in and did our best to stave off the enemy from penetrating our quadrant. We were successful, but Alan was hit in the process. How I dodged a bullet is beyond me!

So it is with war and war training. No one really got hit, or wounded, or died in the fire fight. It was military training. Our enemy was the Philippine National Army and they were teaching us Air Force guys how to defend an airfield under attack. They were good, very good. Even with equipment like night vision goggles, they still hit us out of nowhere! How could that happen? Needless to say, our commanding officer wasn't too pleased. So we did it again, and again, and again....until we got it right.

In my walk with God I have come to realize firsthand how relentless the enemy is in attacking my faith and hurting my relationship with the Lord. He comes, it seems, out of nowhere. A sneak attack that totally catches me off guard. Oh I have the equipment....the latest translation and study bible, the benefit of great preaching on Sunday, Christian friends who are an encouragement to me, a prayer life...all the latest equipment...and yet he still comes out of nowhere and makes my life a chaotic hell. How does that happen?

I mean, I do all the right things, go all the right places, study all the good things, hang out with good people...and still he attacks and murders me as if there were no preparation at all, no faith at all. And the worst of it.....I hear him laugh as he walks away.

I don't have all the answers for this. I do have a thought or two. First, the Word of God says that our enemy walks about like a ravenous lion seeking whom he may devour. When you get into the language there you realize that he wants to tear us to pieces! He wants to destroy us! He wants to murder us, kill us again and again!! See, he isn't just a little miffed about his situation, he is angry beyond angry about it. He's already lost...it isn't a question of if, but a matter of when. He hates God and he hates God's people. He will stop at nothing to ruin God's work here on earth by ruining God's people.

I don't think I fully get that sometimes. He wants to destroy me. Render me useless in the kingdom of God. He wants to destroy God given relationships in my life. He wants to disgrace me, humiliate me, shame me, guilt me, and kill me. Even with all the equipment I have to fight him with, I don't think I take his hate for me seriously enough and I get caught off guard. He comes out of nowhere and attacks me at my most vulnerable spot. He knows what my kryptonite is! I feel I take him too lightheartedly. And that is when he hits.

Second, Paul talked about the war on the inside with his two natures. He said something to the effect of,..."the things I shouldn't do, I do....and the things I should do, I don't." He understood that even with this new nature inside, the Jesus in us, there was still that bent toward sin, toward selfishness, toward evil, toward shaking a fist at God and going our own way. It's there, it's ever present, and it's ours for life. But the deal is, it doesn't have to live big in us. We have been given help and our help is more powerful than our enemy. Something I have to tell myself on a daily basis or I will stumble and fall on a daily basis.

For me, it is a constant raging war within. If you can live without that fight, more power to you. But also for me, that war assures me of whose side I'm on. When the enemy attacks with doubts of salvation, and he does, I look at the fight....I look at where I'm dug in, and whose camp I'm defending. I'm on the right side alright....so if I never get a break....I will go out fighting...and I will fight again, and again, and again....until I get it right....on the right side!

How about you? Done any fighting lately?

"We faithfully preach the truth. God's power is working within us. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and in the left hand for defense." -2 Cor. 6:7, NLT