My life has been a combination of wins and losses. Maybe that isn't how most view life but I do. Perhaps the reason is because I have had so many of both. The wins have been sweet, as most wins are; the losses have been bitter, painful, and unforgettable. I might have said the wins have been unforgettable too, but the truth is, I am the only one who remembers the wins in my life. Most people may celebrate a win with you but they quickly forget them. They are too busy remembering the wins in their own lives....because they are the only ones who do. They are the only ones who can keep their wins alive.
Losses however are different. They are unforgettable because in many ways, they affect the lives of other people. The innocent become recipients of pain they didn't ask for or deserve. In my case: lost jobs, DUI's, failed marriages, loss of reputation, of dignity, of self-esteem, estrangements from people close and dear to me. By God's grace, some of those relationships are healing; some of them are gone forever. The only thing I can do is pray healing can continue and will take its course. I see the highway of my life littered with losses.....funny how the wins pale in comparison. That to me is why losses are different.
The biggest result is the emptiness loss creates. It's like walking around with a hole in your heart all the time. The regret only makes the hole seem larger. Nothing it seems can fill it. It's an emptiness that goes beyond empty. This emptiness is accompanied by deep sadness and many tears. The worst....is the hopeless feeling that no one else can possibly understand the pain.....you feel totally alone, all alone. You desperately desire to be understood but being misunderstood is your only reality. Charcoals and greys and blacks are the only colors to your life. Rainbows of color bursting through in your life aren't even imagined, you can't wrap your mind around that possibility. What a sad, bleak existence. And many in this world live in that world every day.
Some losses are temporary. Loss of finances can eventually be turned around. The loss of a state championship game is replaced by the hope of a winning season the coming fall. A lost job can be replaced with a new, more exciting, and higher paying one. Other losses, on the other hand, are longer lasting. In the area of love for instance, when a boy meets the one who should have always been....and because of fear pushes her away and loses her, or circumstances keep them apart.....that loss is difficult to walk through. It is a loss that stays with you for a long time, perhaps forever. Regardless, losses affect all involved.
But I can't end this article on such a dark note. Losses bring something else to light. They bring out the tenacious spirit that God put in us all. Losses given to God do and will make us stronger people. They help us plan ahead more intelligently, if lessons are learned. I am not satisfied with staying down when I fall. There is something deep within me that keeps me hoping that the day ahead will be better than the current one. I fight, I always fight...I won't lie down and die, I can't. This spirit of a fighter is what carries me into tomorrow, and His hope within me keeps me moving. He knows my heart...... perfectly. When others around me see failure, He doesn't give up or in. He is crazy about me and wants me to overcome in and through Him. I must admit, at times I simply make a faith statement of overcoming because I'm not sure I can do it......but I continue to hope in Him. You know, sometimes there is nowhere else to go.....and that often is the best place to be....nowhere to go but to Him.
Romans 8:28, a familiar verse to us all...... "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -NLT. I have to take that verse on faith most of the time, because I don't believe it sometimes, and certainly don't live it. Yet.... I look at my life and see that verse portrayed again and again. I am grateful, even when I don't always see Him working, He is.....in my life....working....always. He is working in yours as well. Wins or losses.....He works to give a future and a hope.
My prayer is that you can look at my hurts, hang-ups, and habits.....and see hope....It is there...always.
