My Car Got Attacked By a Goose!

I have seen enough Animal Planet shows to know the difference between an animal that can hurt you and an animal that doesn't even notice your presence when you're sharing the same neck of the woods. I have watched Shark Week and know the difference between a great white and a flounder . One can bite your head off with little effort and the other makes a good meal when cooked with just the right spices....ask me later and I will get you a great recipe..... But I am a little taken aback when the "harmless" ones turn violent and into predators.

My car got attacked by a goose! Let me elaborate.....

If you've read any previous posts you know I travel quite a bit. I was in El Reno, OK the other day and discovered El Reno lake. I had never been there before. I had some planning to do so I thought I would do it there and enjoy the scenery. I wasn't disappointed...a pretty little spot. The wind was nil so the lake was very tranquil, not so much as a ripple or wake. There were all kinds of different water fowl flying about and sporadically swooping down for a swim and something to eat. If I were an avid bird watcher, I am sure I would have cataloged (in that special notebook stuffed under the driver seat)... all the varieties of fowl with rabid excitement.

Then THEY came in for a landing.....a gaggle of Canadian geese,..... no,.... I mean a GAGGLE of Canadian geese; 40 to 50 I bet!

I had never seen synchronized anything much, except synchronized swimming on the Olympics and I was never very interested in that. It just always looked like a sport that wasn't really a sport to me..... and how do you judge that stuff anyway?! But on this day I witnessed synchronized flying; they all came down at once and landed in the water at the same time. I witnessed synchronized swimming (gaggle style).....they even shook the water off their tails at the same time and in the same direction. This would have won a gold in the Olympics I am sure. It was amazing. I witnessed an attempt at synchronized fishing but the gaggle was a little off on that.....more practice needed but still impressive all the same. Needless to say I was awed and intrigued at the whole display.

After a brief swim and a little food, they started moving toward shore to get out of the water..... and coming toward my car parked about fifteen feet from the bank. One in the rear must have had a motor tied to its tail because it passed all the others like they weren't swimming at all. It seemed to have a bead toward me! It never moved its head to the left or the right, just stared me down and came at my car!! I noticed too that this goose wasn't as good looking as the others. In fact, it was pretty homely looking....large but homely. This one wasn't like the ugly duckling that transformed into the beautiful and graceful swan. This one was born ugly and stayed that way. Perhaps that was the reason for the nasty disposition. Whatever the real reason for the attitude, it came out of the water emphatically weird and seemingly pissed off. And did I say it already? It was coming at my car!!

This one defiant goose waddled right up to my front tire and proceeded to peck at and bludgeon my hubcap. It wielded its beak like Thor's hammer. You could almost see it gritting its teeth as it pounded away....well, if a goose had teeth you could almost see that. And if it truly had teeth, I am sure there would have been bits and pieces of the rubber of my tire flying everywhere. It would have gnawed at my tire like a crocodile on a water buffalo.

And what would that thing have done to me, particularly my shins, had I not been inside the car? More importantly, had I been outside the car, would it have chased me around? Most importantly, if I had been outside the car and it chased me around, would I have screamed like a little girl? How emasculating would that have been?! The thought of that scenario makes me want to breathe in a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating!

Why was this goose so angry? Rough childhood? Dysfunctional family upbringing? Teased a lot at school? Always given "hand me downs", never bought anything new? Turned down one too many times by the ladies of the gaggle? Not allowed seconds at the dinner table? Full moon? I didn't really know about that one because this traumatizing incident happened in broad daylight. Definitely couldn't have been "little man syndrome" because this honker was huge! This goose most assuredly needed anger management classes and a support group!

What did I do? Absolutely nothing! I just sat there wishing my personal nurse was with me taking my blood pressure and heart rate to ensure my pulmonary muscle wasn't going to explode out of my chest! And as soon as that thought entered and cleared my mind, the pounding quit and it got eerily quiet. I crushed my face as hard as I could against the side window and looked down to see what the waddler was up to. Imagine my relief when all I saw was its rear end waddling away from my car. Had it arms instead of wings, it would have been beating its chest as it left; maybe with a few marine grunts thrown in for emphasis.

I waited until it was well out of view and then proceeded out of the car to assess the destruction. Surprisingly the damage was minimal. The hubcap was covered in goose spit mixed with half eaten berries and pieces of underwater plant life. My hubcap survived the ruthless beating and gave new meaning to the phrase, "Ford Tough"......I drive a Taurus.

So much for tranquil beauty and peaceful planning. I started my quivering vehicle and drove off. It was time to move on anyway.....So tell me.....how was your day?

I usually try to envision some kind of anecdote to go along with what I write and the only thing I can come up with here is: Never park your car near an angry goose.

(This might make acceptable copy if it were word for word totally true, but there may have been an embellishment or two added....however, I have hopes to get it published in Liar's Monthly)

Sucker for a Sappy Love Song

I love music. I have always loved music....love to listen to it and love to sing it; whether it be to the radio, in the shower, or behind a microphone at church or karaoke. Karaoke is cool because you can sing a rock song and be popular for about five minutes....if you sing on key.

I listen to many genres of music: pop, rock, christian.....which today has every other category of music just with the word christian in front of it; but I am not sure about christian classical?....., blues, classical, R&B, country....well, I think I have one country cd in my collection and listened to it once just so I can say I listen to country...., and JAZZ...the music of cool. Jazz music is sophisticated...the kind of music you read to, write to, wear a cardigan with and smoke a pipe to....jazz expresses what cool is....you may disagree but then you would be wrong.

But one type of song (in any genre) I have always been a sucker for is a sappy love song. They conjure up the gamut of emotions that often accompany being in love with someone. If you are happy in your relationship you might listen to Jason Mraz sing "Lucky", if you are sad you may listen to Toni Braxton sing "Another Sad Love Song". Just broke up with someone? Phil Collins' "Separate Lives" or Chicago's "Look Away" will make you cry. At whatever stage you are in your relationship with your significant other you can find a love song that relates. And somehow that song in that moment has powerful meaning; almost a life of its own.

I wonder if Jesus were here today would he listen to the radio? I think he would be a music lover. If his first love, the church, is going to be his bride in heaven, would that make the church his fiance while here on earth? I don't doubt that the church has put him through the myriad of emotions that love puts us through. She has been poignant, uplifting to many, used as an instrument of hope and love, and yet; has also been divided, has erred in faithfulness, and has put undue chains on people trying to break free from chains they already carry.

So perhaps there are songs he would hear that would touch him regarding his first love. Natalie Cole's "This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)" or Lionel Richie's "Endless Love" would remind him of his commitment to her. Should she ever feel abandoned, Lady Antebellum's "Never Alone" would underscore his promise to be constantly present with her. When she questions her commitment to him, he might get emotional when he hears Anita Baker's "You Belong to Me" or Sade's "Nothing Can Come Between Us".

When he hears The Fray sing "She Is" he taps his thumb to the beat against the steering wheel, smiles, and thinks how he can't wait to make her his bride....

When he hears Hootie and the Blowfish sing "Let Her Cry" , he remembers when she has stumbled and fallen; yet, he still loves her. He hears Casting Crowns sing "Somewhere in the Middle" and thinks of when she is complacent. Foolish Things sing "Find Your Way Back" or Building 429 sings " The Space In Between Us"and he ponders on all the times she has strayed from him. When Big Daddy Weave sings Rich Mullins' "Hold Me Jesus"...he just wants to wrap his arms around her again and again and again.....my, my how Jesus is so in love with his bride to be!

For all her faults, imperfections, triumphs, and failures he is head over heels in love with her and perhaps music would remind him of that just as music moves most of us emotionally.

Then.... he finds a jazz station.....no words, just music.....but it touches him the most in thinking of his love. Why? you may ask.... Simply because of the way jazz is built. Jazz is but a simple melodious tune played over and over in all kinds of variations. If you stacked one variation of the original tune on top of another, the song would have no ending.....it would just keep playing. It gives him repose to think of all the things his forthcoming bride is to him....he loved her enough to die for her....she has tested him over and over and yet his love for her never stops....just like an endless jazz tune....

At the end of the day he talks with his Father....I can almost hear him quietly whisper, "Dad, I know you have the time appointed for us to wed. No pressure....but I am so in love with her....make it soon Dad, please make it soon.....I am in a hurry"....

Random Thoughts About Anything, About Nothing

I heard a long time ago, and it recently was reiterated, that if you want to be a writer you need to practice your craft every day. Well, believe it or not, I aspire to be a writer; so in pursuit of that dream I am constantly thinking about stuff to write. Sometimes an idea gets stuck in my head and goes nowhere and serves no purpose except to give me a headache or kill off another brain cell which, truthfully, I can't afford to lose at my age. So this post is more for the purposes of eliminating the excess leftover junk in my brain so I can move on.....maybe some of it will be worth reading.....or not.

Success
I recently heard an author speak on his newest book. He was pleasently self-deprecating, almost comedic. It was endearing and made him human. Then I thought: It's easy to be self-deprecating when you're successful. Being self-deprecating when you are not successful may just be the sad, sad truth.

Money
My very best friend and I often have conversations about money..it's place, it's purpose, the corruption often tied with it, and the impossibility of living without it. These conversations are stimulating to me, perhaps because we come from two ends of the slide rule in terms of financial stability and yet have simular views on the need and usage of the green stuff.
It seems to me that anytime Jesus was around a rich person he was telling them to go sell their stuff and give the money to the poor and walk with him. He also pointed out the difference between giving out of our excess and out of our need. I don't think he was opposed to money. I think he was getting at a heart attachment, an attitude. He himself said that where our treasure is, that is where we would find our heart.
I have dear friends who believe that if they are not rolling in the dough they somehow are not living it right as far as Jesus is concerned. After all doesn't the abundant life involve a healthy checking account? I get confused with this thinking because everywhere I see Jesus himself talking about money, it's in terms of giving it away not accquiring it.
I often think if I had alot of money, I wouldn't have alot of money because I would give it all away. I think this is a noble and good thought and it is easy to say when you don't have alot of money. If I actually had alot of money would I really be that generous? I like to think I would be, but that won't be known until I cross the bridge of wealth.....so far I haven't truly been tested in that area.
I stick with the heart attachment thing. Not a sin to be rich or poor, may be a sin to be so money driven or anything else driven that one has no place for God in their life. This is what I think Jesus was trying to teach. Lastly, I don't think Jesus would have made a very good accountant.

Jesus and Politics
I know people who actually believe that if Jesus were here today and a part of the American voting public, he would be Republican right down the line. Putting "Jesus" and the "American voting public" in the same sentence makes me a touch uncomfortable; add the word Republican and I start to shake and I am a Republican.
I am not sure Jesus would be affiliated with any political party. If I were Jesus, I would have an aversion to politics anyway.....wasn't it really politics that got him crucified? I don't think Jesus would be concerned with any party agenda either. If he did vote for anything, he would probably write in on the ballot everything he voted for. I think this because he knows everything and he knows we don't know what we need. He would write in the right things that need to be voted for because he knows exactly what we need.
This would disappoint many on the righteous right and he would probably be labeled a flaming liberal.

Christianity vs. Spirituality
I am not very good at following rules. I try to follow but I either misread or misunderstand them and eventually fall short. Alot of people of faith that I know seem to see their testimony wrapped up in how well they follow all the rules. Christianity is a series of codes and ethics and as long as they are adhered to, they are right with God and Jesus loves them. The problem I have with that is I don't think following any rule is what makes us righteous before God...I am pretty sure that being righteous centers on Jesus in us....period. The old saying, "Rules were made to be broken", is true. All rules do is point out the impossibility of following them to the letter.
Sometimes I think when the world sees Christianity they see a series of rules. I am sure what they need to see is Jesus. Being spiritual to me means showing the face of Jesus to the world, not proving I can follow rules. People need Jesus, not another list of "do's" and "don't's".
My sister went to a christian concert and told me the lead guy made a statement something like this: "The world doesn't mind when a christian sins, the world minds when a christian sins but doesn't think he does." Holier than thou and self-righteousness seem to get caught up alot in christianity, therefore; I would rather just be human, honest with my shortcomings, and testify that Jesus, for all my faults, still likes me and that he loves the rest of the world just the same. To me, this is showing the world the face of Jesus.

Thanks for letting me clear out the cobwebs in the recesses of my mind. Now there is room for more clutter.....

Crazy Love...

There is absolutely nothing more invigorating, more exciting, more affirming, or more rejuvenating in life than being in love. I am not talking about a love where "I Love You" is whispered, kept quiet and private....I am talking about a full blown shout it from the mountaintop kind of love that gets the attention of the whole world, with random acts of PDA to go with it....an ecstatic love, a bold love, a loud love......a crazy love.....the kind you want to experience every day, the kind you want everyone around you to know about and, truth be known, perhaps be even a touch envious of. Yes, we do have a tendency to rub it in a little when we've got the groovy kind of love I am speaking of. This kind of love isn't just for the young either; everyone of every age group desires to be loved like this... I am sure of it.
Even those of us "real men" who wince painfully when our ladies want to see the latest romantic "chick flick" comedy, usually sit back and at some point during the film say to ourselves, "yea, I want to love and be loved like that." We all want it....a crazy love...the one kind of love that defies definition, that goes against any grain of logic, that is understood more clearly by demonstration than by explanation.
Sadly, many in this life never ever experience a love like this. Oh, the love in the beginning of the relationship may look a little crazy but life happens and the first thing to wane under the stress of circumstances is the fairy tale we all hoped would outlast life itself. Next, the virus of disillusionment sets in and things never seem quite the same. Crazy love becomes downgraded to something "less than" and for most, a reluctant surrender is made to the fact that crazy love is gone... never to show up again. So we settle and make peace with having a love no different than anyone else and yet, we miss the crazy love we once knew....and life goes on anyway.
I can't answer the question of a lasting crazy love when it comes to humans because, well.... we're human. Being human means being flawed and being flawed means sometimes falling short of even those things we desire to attain that are good and worth chasing after. This is simply the consequence of our humanity. However I do know of a crazy love that transcends our human condition...
...."But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." -Rom.5:8 NLT
God has a crazy love...just think about it for a moment. We (his human creation) are selfish, we love control, and on our own we don't have the inclination to do the right thing because it is much easier to do what is natural...which is the wrong thing. All of these things came to play in the ruination of the garden of Eden and our place in right standing with God. We rebelliously separated ourselves from the crazy love of God.
Knowing all that.... God still pursued us, wooed us, sent us flowers and candy, and compelled us to turn to him again. We remained the object of his desire regardless of all we had done to destroy this union with him. I have pondered on this through my years and have sometimes wondered if his is a crazy love or just plain crazy. Most of us, when we get burned, have an inclination to insure we don't ever get burned again....but God keeps coming back again and again and again.....why?
Because he is crazy head over heels in love with us. His love for us is great ( I usually replace this word in the verse with crazy), boundless, far-reaching, endless, and rock solid. He looks beyond our fraility and our sin, he peers into our deepest parts and sees the emptiness that only his love can fill. He does not want us to be lacking so he demonstrates his love toward us, shouts his love for us from the mountaintop by giving the apple of his eye to us. His crowning jewel becomes our possession so we might in turn become his. We are his pearl of great price and he pays dearly, sparing nothing. We don't deserve it, can't earn it, and are too bankrupt to buy it. All we can do is freely receive it in the manner it is freely given......and it is given freely because of this crazy love of God. Go ahead and try to explain that....you can't. It just is.
Desire crazy love in your life? Turn to him because he truly does..... love you like crazy....