"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble......three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecc. 4:9,10,12b NLT
I am a fallen man with a fallen nature. I have a natural tendency to do the wrong things. A holy lifestyle for me almost has to be planned out in my Daytimer or I will forget who I am and end up where I don't want to be. This is especially true when I try to go it alone. When I get to thinking I've got the bull by the horns and I am good and not in need of anyone....I am one dangerous slip away from getting gored by the bull I have hold of.
At the darkest times of my life, when I was in my most hopeless state.... I realize looking back that I was alone. I wasn't alone because I had friends who didn't care. I wasn't alone because I had family who didn't care. I was alone by choice...."bravely" going it alone. Whatever my reasons for not getting help: pride, shame, embarassment; I lived in the shadows and darkness of my pain...... alone.
I am learning how debilitating it is to go it alone....God never intended it that way. I praise God for His constant presence in my life, whether I am in the darkness of my habit or in the light of His love.....He is always with me.
I cried out for help this week, I was struggling and I wasn't in a good place.....I turned to a friend, as difficult as that was; I knew I couldn't deal with my struggle alone. I praise God for friends and family who have willingly reached into the dirt of my life in effort to see me cleansed and whole. And as I write I weep with gratitude. I am thankful for a God who loves me no matter what and who is always present. I have a long way to go. I still fall down. Other than our Lord Jesus, show me someone who doesn't fall down.Thank God for those who are there to help us up when we do.
Two are better than one...there is always that one to encourage you. If you are alone and discouraged who's going to help you along? You gonna encourage yourself? Usually that doesn't work because you end up talking to yourself and when others see that, they think you're crazy.... ok..... a little humor....but the point is made.
How is it with you? Still "bravely" going it alone? This world seems to admire those who pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. But, honestly, the truly brave thing is to open up to a friend or family member who knows you, loves you, and will do what is necessary to help you. And by the way.....all those "self-made" people out there.....have hurts, hang-ups, and habits they need recovery from as well. Come out of the shadows and face your giants in the open and know you don't have to do it alone.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Atrocity of Appearances
"Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness." -Matt. 23:28 NLT
We live in a day where appearances are everything. We spend hundreds, even thousands annually in keeping our washboard abs, our french nails, and "20-something" looking skin well into our 50's. The right hairstyle, smile, handshake, and suit does more to close a business deal today than the business plan itself. Meet a group of people for the first time and after you leave they will probably talk about how you looked more than anything else.
Matthew 23:28 finds Jesus in the middle of a sharp discourse of reprimand toward the religious leaders of his day. He cried out against their need for attention and honor. He called them righteous looking hypocrites...and he did so over and over.
You can almost see the disgust on his face and hear the comtempt in his voice. He was pointing out the atrocity of appearances....he was pointing out that these "religious" leaders were missing the point altogether....and leading others astray with them.
Look in our churches today, most are filled with what look like righteous people. I wonder though how some of those "righteous" people fair behind the closed doors of their homes after church.....Does neglected Dad retire to the bedroom with a bottle of vodka (his only true friend) to watch a ball game alone? Does self-centered Mom rush to the mall after lunch to grab those shoes she's just got to have?....has to have them so bad in fact she uses grocery money to acquire them.....and what of unloved teenage Sam? Does he sneek to his room to view the latest porn downloads?.....
Oh my.....time for evening services,.. already?! Back to church, back to looking like righteous people......Everywhere you go you will find people who hurt;... they need help, they need mercy, they need hope....some of them sit next to you in church and look like righteous people.....
Why does Jesus cry out against appearances?....Because he knows appearances kill those for whom he died. It is no different today...
We live in a day where appearances are everything. We spend hundreds, even thousands annually in keeping our washboard abs, our french nails, and "20-something" looking skin well into our 50's. The right hairstyle, smile, handshake, and suit does more to close a business deal today than the business plan itself. Meet a group of people for the first time and after you leave they will probably talk about how you looked more than anything else.
Matthew 23:28 finds Jesus in the middle of a sharp discourse of reprimand toward the religious leaders of his day. He cried out against their need for attention and honor. He called them righteous looking hypocrites...and he did so over and over.
You can almost see the disgust on his face and hear the comtempt in his voice. He was pointing out the atrocity of appearances....he was pointing out that these "religious" leaders were missing the point altogether....and leading others astray with them.
Look in our churches today, most are filled with what look like righteous people. I wonder though how some of those "righteous" people fair behind the closed doors of their homes after church.....Does neglected Dad retire to the bedroom with a bottle of vodka (his only true friend) to watch a ball game alone? Does self-centered Mom rush to the mall after lunch to grab those shoes she's just got to have?....has to have them so bad in fact she uses grocery money to acquire them.....and what of unloved teenage Sam? Does he sneek to his room to view the latest porn downloads?.....
Oh my.....time for evening services,.. already?! Back to church, back to looking like righteous people......Everywhere you go you will find people who hurt;... they need help, they need mercy, they need hope....some of them sit next to you in church and look like righteous people.....
Why does Jesus cry out against appearances?....Because he knows appearances kill those for whom he died. It is no different today...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Do You Really Hear Me?
I cry out for help - none is offered.
I beg for peace - I feel only turmoil.
I desire to be clean - I see only dirt.
I want deliverance - I hear the chains rattle.
How did I get here? Wasn't my life blessed, charmed? Wasn't I the one most likely to succeed? Wasn't I the one everyone wanted to be?
Failure, disappointment, hurt, addiction, betrayal, loneliness, torment, faithlessness....are all words and experiences interwoven into the fabric of my life. It seems I'll never again know what it means to be happy, joyful. It appears that the remainder of my life is destined to be littered with losses.
I am encouraged to turn my life and will over to One who is constantly present. At times He seems to be deaf to my cries for help and callous to my tears. God do You really hear me? God, do You truly desire better for me than what I have settled for? Can you save me from this pit I have fallen in?
I hear of those who have courageously praised Him and trusted Him even in the pit. I desire a faith like that. Some need a tough love, others a tough faith....I am in need of both.
Regardless, I will NOT QUIT, I will not run. He is my only hope. I will trust whether He hears or not! I have nowhere else to go....
Written when my faith was as thin as a frayed piece of thread and about as strong.....God is faithful and ever present no matter what our situation and no matter whether we think He hears or not. Keep fighting, keep hoping, keep trusting, and keep praising....the storm makes you stronger and for all your experiences, good or bad, God never wastes them.....Rom.8:28
I beg for peace - I feel only turmoil.
I desire to be clean - I see only dirt.
I want deliverance - I hear the chains rattle.
How did I get here? Wasn't my life blessed, charmed? Wasn't I the one most likely to succeed? Wasn't I the one everyone wanted to be?
Failure, disappointment, hurt, addiction, betrayal, loneliness, torment, faithlessness....are all words and experiences interwoven into the fabric of my life. It seems I'll never again know what it means to be happy, joyful. It appears that the remainder of my life is destined to be littered with losses.
I am encouraged to turn my life and will over to One who is constantly present. At times He seems to be deaf to my cries for help and callous to my tears. God do You really hear me? God, do You truly desire better for me than what I have settled for? Can you save me from this pit I have fallen in?
I hear of those who have courageously praised Him and trusted Him even in the pit. I desire a faith like that. Some need a tough love, others a tough faith....I am in need of both.
Regardless, I will NOT QUIT, I will not run. He is my only hope. I will trust whether He hears or not! I have nowhere else to go....
Written when my faith was as thin as a frayed piece of thread and about as strong.....God is faithful and ever present no matter what our situation and no matter whether we think He hears or not. Keep fighting, keep hoping, keep trusting, and keep praising....the storm makes you stronger and for all your experiences, good or bad, God never wastes them.....Rom.8:28
Monday, August 17, 2009
Being Me - Becoming Myself
Reading from the Psalms comforts me because the writers of the book wrote honestly about how they felt. They were honest with themselves and with God. In many cases their prayers were more like complaints than anything else. Their honesty shines through however. I am learning to be honest.
Open confession is healthy; it cleanses the heart and the spirit. I had difficulty with it because I worried what someone may think. Worrying what others think of me is how I got here to start with....well, it is one of the reasons anyway. There is going to be inner conflict and turmoil anytime an imperfect person (such as myself) dawns the mask of perfection.
God is teaching me to confront my imperfections and short-comings with brutal honesty. This is a hard lesson but I am making progress. It is simply a "one day at a time process" like everything else in my life. I am ok with that.
"Being me" involved the mask wearing. I didn't want anyone to see the real Richard, I didn't even know who that was. I wore one mask after another; so much so I lost any hope of becoming the real person God designed me to be.
How did the transformation start? Time, patience, and faith...taking a ruthless look at myself in the mirror every day and seeing the work needing to still be done.....and doing it! The process of "becoming myself" involved throwing away the masks and learning to see the same things in myself that God says about me. The bible says he loved me so much he sent his son to die for me that I might have life, everlasting and abundant. How liberating that is!
Today I am not so concerned with whether others will approve of me or not....I am confident God does. Becoming the fulfillment of his design for my life is what matters. I hate cliches' but it is true, God doesn't make mistakes...and he doesn't make junk either! I am simply a diamond in the rough!...and as noted in an earlier post.....I press on.
"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." -Soren Kierkegaard
Open confession is healthy; it cleanses the heart and the spirit. I had difficulty with it because I worried what someone may think. Worrying what others think of me is how I got here to start with....well, it is one of the reasons anyway. There is going to be inner conflict and turmoil anytime an imperfect person (such as myself) dawns the mask of perfection.
God is teaching me to confront my imperfections and short-comings with brutal honesty. This is a hard lesson but I am making progress. It is simply a "one day at a time process" like everything else in my life. I am ok with that.
"Being me" involved the mask wearing. I didn't want anyone to see the real Richard, I didn't even know who that was. I wore one mask after another; so much so I lost any hope of becoming the real person God designed me to be.
How did the transformation start? Time, patience, and faith...taking a ruthless look at myself in the mirror every day and seeing the work needing to still be done.....and doing it! The process of "becoming myself" involved throwing away the masks and learning to see the same things in myself that God says about me. The bible says he loved me so much he sent his son to die for me that I might have life, everlasting and abundant. How liberating that is!
Today I am not so concerned with whether others will approve of me or not....I am confident God does. Becoming the fulfillment of his design for my life is what matters. I hate cliches' but it is true, God doesn't make mistakes...and he doesn't make junk either! I am simply a diamond in the rough!...and as noted in an earlier post.....I press on.
"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." -Soren Kierkegaard
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Fear?!
"How fully can you surrender and not be afraid?"-Frank Laubach
To the degree fear sets in determines the degree of surrender to our Lord; yet, isn't partial surrender really no surrender at all? But fear IS the factor...in my life anyway. I want to fully surrender but fear sets in and I pull back...then I wonder...fear of what?....of being used mightily of the Lord?....fear of being selfless?...fear of not being my own man?...fear of a joyful heart, a compassionate heart?.....and then I identify the fear....it is fear of not being in control.
Ah, there's the rub....you see, I want to serve God but I want to serve Him my way. I want to be used of God, but only in the things I want to do...and I truly don't want to be totally selfless because my ego needs to feast on the food of recognition for the things I have done in Jesus' Name.
My fear of losing control hinders complete surrender, at minimum makes it difficult.
That I would learn and choose to live in total abandon of self, that Christ might live big in me is my one great prayer, my one great pursuit.
I have been chasing this my whole life, pressing toward it and it is ever before me...still. So for me it is bite sized portions instead of a full meal and baby steps instead of great strides.
My prayer is reduced to this: Father, help me this day turn complete control of my life over to you. In Jesus'Name.....and perhaps that little prayer is much bigger than it seems...at any rate, I keep pressing on.
To the degree fear sets in determines the degree of surrender to our Lord; yet, isn't partial surrender really no surrender at all? But fear IS the factor...in my life anyway. I want to fully surrender but fear sets in and I pull back...then I wonder...fear of what?....of being used mightily of the Lord?....fear of being selfless?...fear of not being my own man?...fear of a joyful heart, a compassionate heart?.....and then I identify the fear....it is fear of not being in control.
Ah, there's the rub....you see, I want to serve God but I want to serve Him my way. I want to be used of God, but only in the things I want to do...and I truly don't want to be totally selfless because my ego needs to feast on the food of recognition for the things I have done in Jesus' Name.
My fear of losing control hinders complete surrender, at minimum makes it difficult.
That I would learn and choose to live in total abandon of self, that Christ might live big in me is my one great prayer, my one great pursuit.
I have been chasing this my whole life, pressing toward it and it is ever before me...still. So for me it is bite sized portions instead of a full meal and baby steps instead of great strides.
My prayer is reduced to this: Father, help me this day turn complete control of my life over to you. In Jesus'Name.....and perhaps that little prayer is much bigger than it seems...at any rate, I keep pressing on.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Forgiven
The first step in recovery of any kind is saying we need recovery, we need help. I remember the old Saturday Night Live show...you know the original members? Chevy Chase would say, "Hi, I am Chevy Chase, and you're not!"
Those of us in real recovery would never deny God being who He is...yet, we love to play Him don't we?....Playing God allows us to cover our fears....no one has to know who we really are as long as we call the shots...we think we can play God better than He can be God. It would be a revelation if we heard Him actually say, "Hi, I am God, and you're not"...in fact for many of us that would be a relief...... but instead we press ahead making the same old mistakes....God watching...and the mistakes we make lead us to the mess of our lives.
Wow....we end up doing the same old things, make the same old mistakes, and people get hurt just like before and we wonder why.
This blog is about getting honest with ourselves and God....I am going to tell my story....some out of my journal....thoughts about recovery...thoughts about God...thoughts about life...thoughts about relationships....and just thoughts in general about living....it may not get you sober...but it did me....and I hope my candor will help you take even a first step toward healing.
If you want to listen, then do so....if you don't...then this blog is not for you.
It is from a biblical and spiritual nature....I didn't get sober without God...hence, the addiction to Grace....I will speak to that along the way....just sit back and read..... it is unashamedly biblical....so the Bible will be quoted much.....with no apology....
My demon has been alcohol....to be sure....but we all are in recovery from something.....sin in general....so whatever your"demon"....perhaps you will find hope here. In Jesus' name all demons are defeated....so let's go to war together! I stand with you in your battle and will fight with you!!
Those of us in real recovery would never deny God being who He is...yet, we love to play Him don't we?....Playing God allows us to cover our fears....no one has to know who we really are as long as we call the shots...we think we can play God better than He can be God. It would be a revelation if we heard Him actually say, "Hi, I am God, and you're not"...in fact for many of us that would be a relief...... but instead we press ahead making the same old mistakes....God watching...and the mistakes we make lead us to the mess of our lives.
Wow....we end up doing the same old things, make the same old mistakes, and people get hurt just like before and we wonder why.
This blog is about getting honest with ourselves and God....I am going to tell my story....some out of my journal....thoughts about recovery...thoughts about God...thoughts about life...thoughts about relationships....and just thoughts in general about living....it may not get you sober...but it did me....and I hope my candor will help you take even a first step toward healing.
If you want to listen, then do so....if you don't...then this blog is not for you.
It is from a biblical and spiritual nature....I didn't get sober without God...hence, the addiction to Grace....I will speak to that along the way....just sit back and read..... it is unashamedly biblical....so the Bible will be quoted much.....with no apology....
My demon has been alcohol....to be sure....but we all are in recovery from something.....sin in general....so whatever your"demon"....perhaps you will find hope here. In Jesus' name all demons are defeated....so let's go to war together! I stand with you in your battle and will fight with you!!
Getting Better.....
I am new to this blogging thing, but I do have something to say....I hope you will overlook my lack of IT experience and see through to my heart. I AM an addict to Grace....the Grace of God. That is because I am in recovery from being addicted to alcohol.....You might wonder how I could be both....Alcohol gave me "privilege" to be or do anything I wanted to do...God's grace covered me, and still does, from my stupidity and also from the judgment of others (which wasn't necessarily unjustified).
I hurt people, I hurt myself, I hurt my family, I lost jobs, I lost friends.... I made bad choices both under the influence and as a result of alcohol.....I have paid dearly...physically, spiritually, emotionally....and worse......but don't think this blog is about crying, it's about getting back up and fighting to overcome.....it's about winning after you have lost everything...and I am not talking about things....I am talking about regaining on the inside what your "ailment" has cost you.
You know, my "ailment" was alcohol...maybe yours is anger, verbal abuse, gossip, sex, co-dependency, unforgiveness, bitterness, self-reliance, judgmental spirit, hypocricy, or whatever....here's the bottom line....
We all are in recovery for something...in other words we all need deliverence from something...recovery from that one thing that keeps us from experiencing the abundant life we all were promised from God.....
Alas, we blamed Him for falling short too, didn't we. He let us down....He didn't follow through...or follow up....He went to sleep when He should have stayed awake and because of that we fell down.....SHAME ON GOD....and the truth is, He didn't have a thing to do with it. Inside we know that...we just need someone to blame...just so we can sleep at night.
I don't know where this blog is headed, but one thing I do know....God isn't at fault, He is the answer....and His overwhelming grace gives us time and opportunity to make adjustments, confessions, and corrections in our lives that lead to healthy and holy living. Thank God for new beginnings....and that happens the moment we turn back to Him. I am 50! and I am beginning all over again...and what an adventure...yes, there are still amends to make and relationships to re-build...but what an adventure...know why? The overwhelming presence of God....when you get on His path, you can't see anything else but Him...the more you see Him, the more you want Him and all else has a way of falling in to place where it is supposed to...
I will share openly my journey with you...some of you may not want to be my friends after hearing me....that's ok...you will still be mine.
If you know someone who has an addiction of any kind....show them this....I will be non-threatening, and will try to just be honest. I will take a hard look at me too...and I am sure as a result will become more....Addicted to GRACE
Thanks for reading....I will post more as I am led... hope you will stay in touch.
Richard
I hurt people, I hurt myself, I hurt my family, I lost jobs, I lost friends.... I made bad choices both under the influence and as a result of alcohol.....I have paid dearly...physically, spiritually, emotionally....and worse......but don't think this blog is about crying, it's about getting back up and fighting to overcome.....it's about winning after you have lost everything...and I am not talking about things....I am talking about regaining on the inside what your "ailment" has cost you.
You know, my "ailment" was alcohol...maybe yours is anger, verbal abuse, gossip, sex, co-dependency, unforgiveness, bitterness, self-reliance, judgmental spirit, hypocricy, or whatever....here's the bottom line....
We all are in recovery for something...in other words we all need deliverence from something...recovery from that one thing that keeps us from experiencing the abundant life we all were promised from God.....
Alas, we blamed Him for falling short too, didn't we. He let us down....He didn't follow through...or follow up....He went to sleep when He should have stayed awake and because of that we fell down.....SHAME ON GOD....and the truth is, He didn't have a thing to do with it. Inside we know that...we just need someone to blame...just so we can sleep at night.
I don't know where this blog is headed, but one thing I do know....God isn't at fault, He is the answer....and His overwhelming grace gives us time and opportunity to make adjustments, confessions, and corrections in our lives that lead to healthy and holy living. Thank God for new beginnings....and that happens the moment we turn back to Him. I am 50! and I am beginning all over again...and what an adventure...yes, there are still amends to make and relationships to re-build...but what an adventure...know why? The overwhelming presence of God....when you get on His path, you can't see anything else but Him...the more you see Him, the more you want Him and all else has a way of falling in to place where it is supposed to...
I will share openly my journey with you...some of you may not want to be my friends after hearing me....that's ok...you will still be mine.
If you know someone who has an addiction of any kind....show them this....I will be non-threatening, and will try to just be honest. I will take a hard look at me too...and I am sure as a result will become more....Addicted to GRACE
Thanks for reading....I will post more as I am led... hope you will stay in touch.
Richard
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