Reading from the Psalms comforts me because the writers of the book wrote honestly about how they felt. They were honest with themselves and with God. In many cases their prayers were more like complaints than anything else. Their honesty shines through however. I am learning to be honest.
Open confession is healthy; it cleanses the heart and the spirit. I had difficulty with it because I worried what someone may think. Worrying what others think of me is how I got here to start with....well, it is one of the reasons anyway. There is going to be inner conflict and turmoil anytime an imperfect person (such as myself) dawns the mask of perfection.
God is teaching me to confront my imperfections and short-comings with brutal honesty. This is a hard lesson but I am making progress. It is simply a "one day at a time process" like everything else in my life. I am ok with that.
"Being me" involved the mask wearing. I didn't want anyone to see the real Richard, I didn't even know who that was. I wore one mask after another; so much so I lost any hope of becoming the real person God designed me to be.
How did the transformation start? Time, patience, and faith...taking a ruthless look at myself in the mirror every day and seeing the work needing to still be done.....and doing it! The process of "becoming myself" involved throwing away the masks and learning to see the same things in myself that God says about me. The bible says he loved me so much he sent his son to die for me that I might have life, everlasting and abundant. How liberating that is!
Today I am not so concerned with whether others will approve of me or not....I am confident God does. Becoming the fulfillment of his design for my life is what matters. I hate cliches' but it is true, God doesn't make mistakes...and he doesn't make junk either! I am simply a diamond in the rough!...and as noted in an earlier post.....I press on.
"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." -Soren Kierkegaard
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